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What happened to passion?
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[25 Jun 2009|11:47am] |
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Where have I been...where am I going?
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[15 Jun 2009|08:06pm] |
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SAGITTARIUS: Too many people want more from you than you’re able to give. In your willingness to be there for them make sure that you are as willing to be there for yourself, because you can’t possibly support them through their trials when your own are sucking you dry. A good reality check will show you that you’ve got no business playing the Good Samaritan and would be stupid to think that anyone you’re busy trying to help would ever return the favor. You need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps before you can even think about helping anyone out.
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[15 Jun 2009|08:00pm] |
Oh Coastal Scents. Stop having sales! You make me go broke!
Can't wait for my 9 piece brush set, I've been needing new ones for AWHILE.
Mmmm and Crystalled Yellow. How you go EVERYWHERE...but how I adore to use you.
It's sick how much I love makeup. It really, really is.
But anyways.
Right now, I'm doing what I can to get by with all that has been going on.
I've been losing people left and right.
I've also realized nothing can take my pain away.
Yawn.
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[31 May 2009|10:39am] |
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I wish I wasn't exhausted all the time =[
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[13 Dec 2008|01:10pm] |
I had the WEIRDEST dream last night. Oh man.
It started off with some drama between an unnamed friend and I.
He asked if I was ready to start hanging out with him again and I stupidly said yes.
But it wound up me hanging out with him and his girlfriend who told me what a huge slut she was.
Then I got a letter in the mail which said that I had to move to Asia because America didn't want me anymore. So I moved out there and I was put in a situation with a group of girls where we had to break out and battle for our lives. I was a sniper. But there was a huge explosion next to me and we had to retreat. So we all had to hide out in the city because we didn't want the police to know that we were the ones trying to kill people.
So I became a buser in some family owned asian restaurant but the father hated me. I had to work to earn his respect. I accidently ate some wasabi peas that were sitting in a bowl on a table and for that I was burned with a metal prong thing to show that I was a theif. But I made it look like it didn't hurt at all which pissed him off so he gave me a bigger one. Then for some reason which I can't remember anymore he respected me but he called me his son.
Uh. The end.
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[07 Dec 2008|03:16pm] |
The ship sunk off in the distance.
The life preserver kept me up.
So many people..so many people..
Land in the distance,
but I don't think I'll make it.
The will to exist has sunk with the ship.
I took the life preserver
and gave it to a passing shark.
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[02 Dec 2008|01:58pm] |
Okay so. Update of my school shit.
I completed the genogram and the 4 page paper after sitting down for 11 hours straight and making like ten billion phone calls to family only to find out that it was not due on the 24th of last month, it was actually due yesterday. So I actually ha the opportunity to bring it to class and have him look over it before turning it in AND had less homework to do over Thanksgiving Break. Cool I guess.
I also finished the paper for the 1st interview that was due forever ago and although I would have gotten a 97 out of 100 on it, I got 27 points on it because it was so late. But still, he gave me points for it which I was not expecting for him to do.
I successfully dropped my film communication class with a late withdrawal.
My teacher was pretty nice about the whole thing even though all I did was feed him lies and fake documentation which got me out of it. But whatever. It worked. I can't have my gpa go down.
I still have 2 papers left to do. One for the experimental assignment from awhile ago and one that isn't due until next week which I can't complete until I do the 25 minute interview with Jess tomorrow.
The biggest thing that worries me now is my online class. All the shit for it is online, but after really looking at it again, here's how it goes. There are 12 lessons. Each lesson only takes a few minutes to read through. I'm making outlines for all 12 right now. Then there is the 50 point midterm exam and the 50 point final. The final is that I have to rent this tape from WMU and take notes from the videotape and apply all the concepts I have learned. Then complete the Behavioral Assessment Inventory, the Case History, and the Treatment Plan based upon the case presented in the videotape. Which is 50 points.
So the ENTIRE class consists of 100 total points.
So if I fuck up one thing then oh shit. I just gotta get a B or higher. I'm so nervous.
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[01 Dec 2008|01:32am] |
Today is Mike's 20th birthday.
Or it would have been if he didn't pass away 2 years ago.
It makes me sad.
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[20 Nov 2008|05:28pm] |
Oh my geezus.
So SINCE I didn't get into the school of social work.
Which I was not exactly planning for.
I didn't exactly keep up with one of my classes this semester.
So I have to drop it.
Which brings me down to a part time student.
So that leaves me with 3 classes.
My two social work classes.
And my one online Drug Prescription and Treatment class.
Now, the social work classes...Okay. I'm getting by. Kind of.
I have to make a huge ass genogram for monday including 3 generations of my family.
And it's not just a family tree.
A genogram means I have to list every single persons relationship with each other.
Divorces.
Diseases.
Whether they were generally happy or sad.
If they had unhealthy relations with anyone in my family.
BLAH BLAH.
And it has to be massive.
Because I have a massive family.
Then write a 5 page paper on it.
So there's THAT.
Then there's the 2 papers that I'm working on right now.
I'm getting by on those. I can finish them. It's not going to be too difficult I don't think. BUT I also have to do another 25 minute interview and a paper on it.
Then there's the final exam.
Then in my other social work class I have a massive test that I've been studying for, but my teacher is an idiot and keeps changing shit so I don't even know where to go with that. She's a hippie who did too many drugs back in her day and I just can't stand it. She thinks we're all racists for some reason. So I also have a paper due in THAT soon.
THEN. My biggest problem.
I didn't keep up with my online class. At all.
I thought it would be like my other ADA classes where it was just read a chapter then do a quiz on it. I skimmed over it a few times. I figured I could finish it in about a week like I did in my other ones.
But yesterday I really really looked at it to make sure I had time to finish it. It all has to be submitted by the 13th of December.
And I don't think I can do it.
I just don't think I have time.
And I am FREAKING OUT.
The biggest reason I dropped the other class is because if my GPA goes down then I can't apply into social work in January. Which means the next deadline is May. Which means that I WILL BE A YEAR BEHIND. And I don't want to be here any longer than I have to. So I HAVE to keep my GPA up!
I am at the point where I am on the hunt for like 3 weeks worth of adderal OR I was about to offer to pay people to do my online class for me because I don't have time and it's not like I have that much money to offer anyway. But NEITHER of those would work so I am FUCKED.
What makes it even worse is that my best friend out here got into the program and I didn't.
I almost want to fail everything on purpose.
Because failing on purpose makes it easier on me than trying my fucking hardest and still not make it in.
Oh my god. I am freaking out.
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[12 Nov 2008|11:19pm] |
I got a letter in the mail today.
A letter packaged so perfectly.
Perfect closure, perfect folds.
Perfect everything.
The letter said,
"We regret to inform you..."
My heart stopped.
Desire to help people isn't enough.
I was below expectation.
Even though I made the gpa.
Even though I had over 200 volunteer hours when all you needed was 75.
Even through I wrote a paper longer than it had to be.
I didn't get into the school of social work.
I don't feel much like existing right now.
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[28 Oct 2008|06:02pm] |
"I need to know if she really thinks dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago, that's an important...I want to know that, I really do because she's gonna have the nuclear codes."
aaaaaaahahahah
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[15 Oct 2008|02:49pm] |
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I wanted to go see Choke the other night because when I was supposed to see it last, it didn't work out. So I look online and I can't find a single theater that's playing it anymore and it's only like 2 weeks old and I AM SO DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF IT.
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[10 Oct 2008|05:32pm] |
So I've been gauging my ears for the past couple weeks if you guys did not know. I went from an 18 to a 6 in about 3 weeks which is fast, I know..but I haven't had any problems with them. I used regular earrings to get up to a 10 then used a taper to get to a 6. Yesterday I put 4's in and they literally slipped right in. I had no problems.
So this morning I wake up and my left ear hurts a lot. I had been sleeping for a good 11 or 12 hours because I was pretty hammered the night before. So I wake up and I touch my left ear and I can't feel the plug. The plug is shaped like a regular one that has a triangular spike/stud thing on the end of it. It looks like the ones you would screw into the ends of your eyebrow rings, but much bigger. So I go and look in the mirror and SOMEHOW in my sleep the entire spike was pushed into my ear. I could not pull it out because the bottom of the spike is like 2 gauges bigger than my actual hole and I could not push it through because my ear had started to swell and close over it.
I freak out because my ear is bleeding and pussing all over the place. DISGUSTING. And I go to New Addictions and she pops it back through. It was INCREDIBLY painful. While I was still sitting there I tilted my head down to get the rubber band to put on the back and because of all the ointment the plug slipped through my ear and fell out. The piercer had to shove the entire thing back through and right before she put it through she was like, "This is probably going to hurt a whole bunch" and then SHOVED the shit out of it back through. There was blood dripping down my neck and it was gross.
So now my ear lobe is way swollen and looks funny but at least my gauge is still in there. The only thing that really sucked about this is now I can't go to a 2 anytime soon in that ear.
Fin.
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| Venting. |
[01 Oct 2008|11:52pm] |
Reporter: "If a 15 year old is raped by her father, you believe it should be illegal for her to get an abortion. Why?"
Palin: "I am pro-life and I'm unapologetic about my position there on pro-life."
....
Reporter: "So ideally you think it should be illegal for a girl who was raped or the victim of incest to get an abortion?"
Palin: "I would counsel that person to choose life despite horrific, horrific circumstances that this person would find themselves in."
Because counseling would really help. Because adoption would really make everything okay.
Because both parties wouldn't be completely FUCKED up about it.
Oh Palin, how entertaining you are. God is not a foreign policy, by the way.
But what I can't understand is why McCain might have a chance at presidency.
Bush has around a 34% approval rating in the United States.
90% of Bush's policies, McCain has backed.
Isn't voting McCain just like voting Bush back into the white house for another 4 or possibly 8 years?
Sometimes I'm just flabbergasted at the stupidity/hypocrisy of Americans.
Also I am shocked at the number of people who are my age and democrat and refuse to vote for Obama because he is black. REALLY?! Wow.
How interesting:
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[15 Sep 2008|02:26am] |
Oh my god I've had an exhausting week and a half. I've driven over 1,000 miles in about 8 days! That's a third of the way to California!! It's been so much fun but I think I'm in need of a break, espetcially from driving. I was driving from Dearborn to Bloomfield to Kalamazoo on Saturday at 8am and I got so tired. It was pouring rain and I tried to pull an allnighter but passed out around 6am. I got to Marshall and had to pull over into a rest stop. I parked the car and passed out in the backseat for 2 hours. I came back to Kzoo and my futon finally arrived. I slept like a fucking baby last night. So nice to not wake up everytime I roll over.
Anyways, besides all the driving it's been downpouring for the past 2 days out here. It finally stopped today but at a price. Last night I was looking for Mila and found her in the basement licking water from a puddle that was on the floor. It was a relatively small puddle going along one side of the wall, I moved some things, told Amy about it, then went out to a few parties.
Today Amy goes down there to see how much bigger the puddle got and I'm sitting in the living room and she comes upstairs with her pant legs pulled up. Our basement totally flooded. There's a good 2 to 3 inches of water on the floor and a lot of stuff got ruined. I was walking around down there (which was pretty stupid looking back because for all I knew the water had a current running through it) and I saw a massive dead spider floating around. It was huge. It looked like a Brown spider, but I can't be too sure yet. We called our land lord and of COURSE he didn't pick up or call us back. Whatever, we can't be charged for this. Things like this don't happen once, I'm sure he knew that it floods and failed to warn us about it. Whatever. More work for him.
Also my internet is out so I've been using friends computers to check my things. For some reason my wireless program keeps shutting down on me since we set up a password for it. It sucks.
Anyways, to everyone that didn't even know that I was on the east side of the state, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I've literally made like 4 trips 2 and from kalamazoo in the past 8 days and I just can't afford the gas to go somewhere that I can't get reembursed for. I was in the area because I was being paid to drive some friends around. I litereally have 5 dollars to my name until the end of the month because I overdrafted a couple times 2 weeks ago and there was a shitload of fines. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Well...I have class at 11 so I'm gonna go lay down on my awesome futon. Mmmmmmm.
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[03 Sep 2008|03:25pm] |
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
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[30 Aug 2008|04:35pm] |
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Why has my life been full of SUCK lately.
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[23 Aug 2008|03:41pm] |
I like scrubs so I am going to quote it so that I can later refer back to this post and probably use the quotes as my status. I'm not afraid to admit that.
"People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine."
"You couldn't push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Please think of me as button-less, all smooth like G.I Joe's nether-regions."
"In musicals, there's always a happy ending, but, in life, sometimes when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind"
"Im narcissistic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure and I am so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self-sabotage that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair."
I'll have to finish this later because for some reason I'm getting bitched out by my dad.
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